Sad endings and new beginnings.

I think the time has come to talk about something I have studiously avoided ever talking about. But changes are coming, and this is the easiest way I could think of to get it out there.

To our families and close friends, it is not news that Randy and I have struggled for a long time now. Years, actually. We love each other dearly and love our children, but serious financial struggles, bad decisions on both our parts (Randy's related to work and finances, mine related to how I dealt with the situation as a whole), and our inability to find middle ground in our goals and desires have made it a hard four years or so. We have fought hard and attended more than a year of marriage counseling, but have not been able to make any headway.

This led to some serious conversations about our future together at the end of July. We basically had to decide whether we saw a future that we could work toward to make our marriage happy again, which I believed (and still believe) it could be. After months of conversations about it, and bargaining, and sadness, we decided two weeks ago to divorce.

Randy and I are both heartbroken. But whereas I think that (granted, with a lot of work) we could make a happy future, he thinks it is best to move on. And so we will. And we will be ok.

Since our conversation in July, I had known this was a possibility and was quietly making plans about what I would do if things turned out this way. My mom and dad, who recently moved back here from Minnesota and are in the process of closing on a new home, have offered to let Carter and I live with them as long as needed. Hopefully, we will only be imposing on them until my job at Cottonwood Heights becomes a full-time position--probably in the middle of next year. (On a sidenote, how grateful I am to my Heavenly Father for helping me be able to provide for my family. I know it's not an accident that my parents just happened to move out here now, after trying to sell their house in MN for 16 months, and that I was hired to work for the city. They are deliberate blessings, for which I am so thankful.)

A lot of my things are now in storage (thanks to my personal moving company--my family). As soon as my parents close on their house and get settled, we will be moving in with them. That will probably happen sometime before the end of October. Randy will be staying here at the house for a few months until he finds another place to stay.

Brendan, Camryn, and Carter are all aware of what is happening. I am saddest for them. I know it can't be easy, especially for Carter who has only been able to grasp that he will miss his dad. But we will work through it. We love them more than ever, and I know we will all be OK.

I'm so grateful for my family and my friends who have seen me through this, and will probably be helping to prop me up for a while to come. They help me to be strong and keep me moving when I would rather pull the covers over my head and hide.

More than anything, I want anyone who reads this to know that I love Randy and I want him to be happy. I don't want anyone to judge him harshly. I don't want anyone to judge ME harshly, either. We did our best. I wish we could be happy together, but if that is not possible I just want him to find the joy he has been searching for.

I ache for the end of all the good things we've experienced in the last nine years. But I find hope in the knowledge there are good things to come for both of us.

(And on a much lighter note, thanks to my sweet boy Carter for choosing a new background for my blog.)

Scenes from a cell phone camera.

It's been a while since I transferred pictures from my phone to my computer. I found some cool stuff.



These are my men. So alike. But they're cute so I'll keep them.



This is Chef Adalberto Diaz. He taught me and my sister Kiirstin how to make all kinds of bread during a cooking class at a bistro called The Blue Lemon in Alpine, UT. I almost asked him to run away with me just so that he could cook for me for the rest of my life--even though I'm married and he's about a foot shorter than me.



This is the pizza he cooked for us. That's fresh pizza sauce, prosciutto, fresh mozarella and tomatoes. Eat your hearts out. (PS--I successfully replicated this crust at my house last week. Because of this, I am planning a gourmet pizza party, my friends!)



I posted this on facebook, but I still find it laughable. What's a woman to do--stay true or go rogue?



These guys are part of my Wednesday night volleyball crew. I love me a good game of volleyball!



Fact: I love the Olympics. Fact: Carter was forced to love the Olympics, too. he became so enthralled with Apolo Ohno that I decided to take him ice skating at the Olympic Oval in Kearns, UT.



He tried to be brave and let go of his old man walker a few times.



But he felt more comfortable like this. He made it all the way around the oval eventually, though. I was proud of my little man.



I hate the pre-springtime brown yuckiness in Utah. But last week, all the snow melted and it actually got warm enough for Carter to go outside to play without whining the whole time. It was nice to get out of the house (despite the admittedly redneck swingset).



This last weekend, we packed up the fam and drove to Island Park, ID, where Randy's family has a cabin. We snowshoed and snowmobiled, drank hot cocoa and ate junk food, played the Wii and watched movies. And Camryn had her first honest-to-goodness snowball fight. (We had three of them to be exact.) All in all, a great weekend. It was nice to escape for a while.

The end.

Bittersweet

Last week, I took a whirlwind trip to Tennessee. My Uncle Rick, whom I wrote about a little before I left, passed away unexpectedly. My mom and dad were nice enough to use their frequent flier miles to buy me a plane ticket so I could go to the funeral and spend time with the family.

Being back east again was strange for a lot of reasons. First and most important reason: my Uncle Rick, the most quietly kind and comforting person you'd ever meet, was gone. I was staying at his house, but he wasn't there anymore. It felt empty, even though the house was packed to capacity. (Aunt Linda asked all of us, including her sons who live 20 minutes away from her, to stay at the house.) I missed him. A lot.

Second reason: I was there for a funeral so I thought I ought to have been sad all the time. But I wasn't, and I feel kind of guilty for that. I was just so darn happy to be surrounded by my mom's family! We are all spread out over the U.S. (Washington, Minnesota, Tennessee, Utah.....) and we hardly ever get to see each other, so being in the same house together for four whole days felt like a happy reunion instead of a sad one.

Third reason: I felt like I had come back home. I lived with my aunt and uncle for a year, so coming back to the house and to the Tennessee hills brought back so many good memories and made me ache for how much I love it there.

It was a busy four days, and so much of it was sad, but there were some amazingly good moments, too--meeting Lydia and seeing Stephanie again (it kills me that they live so far away!); holding baby Leif; watching in wonder as my "little" cousin Randy, all grown up and married now, took control of the preparations and still kept one eye on his mom at all times to make sure she was ok; long catch-up conversations with Alan and Ryan....and Mark and Kamie and Brit, too!; a much-needed pedicure from Krissy; hugging and talking to my Aunt Linda; hanging out with my mom; and of course, the impromptu Abba dance party during lunch after the graveside service to honor Rick's varied musical tastes. He would have loved that.

All in all, the most perfect definition of "bittersweet."


This is the only funeral picture I'll post, just because the casket spray was absolutely gorgeous.


Ryan's tribute to Rick's sometimes-iffy footwear choices.


Mark, Mom, Kamie, and Brit in Atlanta after we found each other in the airport by accident and discovered we were all flying into Johnson City together. God works in mysterious ways. It's true.


Me + Leif + Aunt Linda's back porch = perfect peace.




Our one release: a visit to the Carter Family Fold in Virginia. We listened to old-time music, danced, and relaxed. A nice ending to a hard and emotional week. (Thanks for being brave, Mom and Steph and Lydia!)


Twilight in the Appalachian mountains, outside the Carter Fold. It makes my heart stand still.

My Uncle Rick

This is a picture of my family with my Uncle Rick and Aunt Linda's family when they came to visit us in August of 2006. (Rick and Linda are the ones in the yellow shirts.) I lived with them for a year or so in Tennessee when I was nannying/rebelling/deciding on the direction of my life before I finally chose to go on a mission for the LDS church. I really enjoyed getting to know them during my time out there, since we didn't get to see them very much when I was growing up. And needless to say, they had the patience of Job when dealing with me. I'm telling you, it took a lot of charity and love and tolerance on their part. I will be forever grateful for their unconditional love and support when I needed it most.

Uncle Rick passed away tonight. He had leukemia for a long time, but it was an infection that ended up taking him away from us. My heart is broken for his family and for everyone who knew him. But I'm also sad for those who didn't know him. He was a calming presence with quiet strength, but he had my grandpa's sense of humor, eye twinkles, and snicker. I will miss him, and I hope he knows how much I love him and am grateful to him.

See ya later, Uncle Rick.

Let me explain.....

So, I've known for a while now that my blog has a big gaping hole in it. It's a hole that encompasses a really huge part of my life. When I realized I'd totally ignored that part of my life on my blog, I tried to figure out why I hadn't written about it before.

And now for the brutal honesty.

I'm a stepmother. I have two great step-kids named Brendan and Camryn. And I mean that--they are really really great kids. So besides being in a couple of pictures I've posted, why haven't I written about them?

Answer: because even though they are great kids, I am not a great step-mom. I don't enter into evil stepmother territory, not by a longshot. At our house, no one goes hungry or is clothed in rags, and most of the time we have fun. But there are so many things I could have done/could be doing soooooo much better. And I hate facing up to that fact.

I also had to come to grips with another thing very early in my marriage--I am not their mom. They already have a mom, and though it's my responsibility to love and care for them when they're here, the bottom line is that I can't make big decisions for them. That's their mom's job. So even though they are a big part of our lives, posting stories and pictures about another mom's kids didn't seem appropriate somehow.

But that's not really reality, is it? They are here every other weekend, and lots of holidays and for a month in the summer. They only live 20 minutes away from us, so we take them to do things all the time. And even though they are not here all the time, they are just as much a part of our family as Carter.

So, today I am introducing Brendan and Camryn.

This is Brendan.




He is obsessed with sports, mainly football, and is playing defense on a junior football team this year. He is also obsessed with texting. (What 13-year-old isn't?) He's a good kid, gets good grades, and he loves to help Randy with Carsnobs. He also loves trash-talking, especially during games of Monopoly.

This is Camryn.




She is ten and likes to write and draw. She frequently creates little illustrated stories for Randy. She also loves books, especially if they have anything to do with fairies. She is, as my friend Deb used to say, "such a Jewish mother." She is really good at taking care of everyone around her, especially her little brothers and sister. She's also learning to like cooking, and helps me in the kitchen sometimes.

So there you have it. That's my entire family to date, and no I'm not hiding anyone else.

Pioneer Day, Mary Poppins style.

Here in Utah, we have a holiday which no one else has--Pioneer Day. Every 24th of July, we Utahns use Brigham Young and the Mormon pioneers as an excuse to 1) not work, 2) get drunk (well, some of us anyway. Like the guy who was driving, i.e. swerving in forward motion, in front of me this afternoon), and 3) set off lots and lots of fireworks.

Since Randy and I don't get to Wyoming very often to buy the really good illegal fireworks like everyone else, we usually mooch off of the neighbors or the nearest partying municipality.

Today we had an idea so brilliant, it's a wonder we didn't think of it before. Fireworks are really pretty from the ground, right? Why not watch them from the ROOF OF OUR HOUSE?!

I don't have the pictures to prove it, since I was busy trying to rid my brain of the slow-motion image of my children tumbling off the roof and into our front garden. Pictures would have been especially funny, considering the fact that Randy had literally tied Camryn and Carter to him with a rope. But suffice it to say, the roof is hands-down the best place to watch fireworks. Period.

From our roof, we can see the ENTIRE Salt Lake Valley. So we enjoyed fireworks displays from all the pyros in our neighborhood, plus Cottonwood Heights, South Jordan, Kearns area, and the post-game blowouts from the Bees game and the Real Salt Lake game. Throw in some lightning, and we had a pretty darn good show. And luckily, no broken necks.

So Happy Pioneer Day everyone! And a big ol' "neener neener" to all you non-Utahns who had to deal with real life today--especially you kids in Missouri and Illinois. Just think of all the partying you guys have missed out on. What a shame.

Fun things.

Prepare yourselves for a long post with lots of pictures. It's been a busy month at the Archibald residence.

On May 31st we celebrated Carter's birthday. Actually, on May 30th he had his friend party and on May 31st we had family dinner and gifts, so really it was Carter's birthday weekend. So spoiled.

The friend party went well. Only two friends out of the five showed up, and they were both girls. Did Carter care? Not a bit. Pizza, ice cream, cake, toys, presents, a water fight, and a pinata. Not bad for two hours on a Saturday.




Sunday we had spaghetti with all the fixins, more cake, more ice cream, and Carter-man got to open all his gifts from us: "Cars" games, model cars, a Nerf football, and various other little stuff. Grandma also got him an easel with markers, chalk, and paper. So far, the easel is the best gift EVER.

This last week has been crammed with summer goodness. On Wednesday, my sister-in-law Angela and her two kids Will and Chelsea picked us up and we all headed to Bear Lake to stay for a day in a condo my in-laws had reserved. It was a welcome break, and though Garden City, UT will not be deemed a metropolis anytime soon, it had all we needed: sun, water, food, and a place to sleep. We had a great time. Even Carter, my sometimes-over-cautious kiddo, looked up at me while we were playing at the beach and said, "Mom, I love Bear Lake."







On Friday, after being miserably sick with the worst. cold. ever. for about three days (It started the morning we drove to Bear Lake. Yeah.) I needed to get out of the house. I'd been promising Carter I would take him to the open house at the new Oquirrh Mountain Temple of the LDS church, so I went online, reserved some tickets, and off we went. Carter's first temple experience was at the Draper Temple open house, so he was really excited to go inside the new one. Yes, I know I'm a cheesy Mormon mom when I say I am so glad that my son loves to be in the temple.

Afterward, we took some pictures. Carter was happy to sit for them.




As long as he got to do what he really wanted to do in the first place, which was play in the fountain.

And yes, Moroni really did get struck by lightning.


Last but not least, on Saturday we connected with our inner rednecks by attending the demolition derby at the West Jordan Western Stampede. We went with Randy's twin Dave, his wife Alicia, and their boys Aiden and Evan.

As you are probably aware, Randy is obsessed with cars and he has passed on this obsession to our son. When Randy cut the ad for the derby out of the paper and showed it to Carter a few days ago, Carter was so excited he could barely stand it. He carried the ad around with him, ate breakfast with it every morning, and had every detail of it memorized by the time Saturday rolled around. He even had a running countdown, and informed everyone he met that he was "going to the demolition derby in __ days." And yet, despite all his excitement and macho toughness, the little boy in him came out in the end and he watched the entire derby like this:

I know he's my kid, but I swear he's the cutest kid this side of the Mississippi.

Does my Tropical Passionfruit body spray count as a serving of fruit?

So, we're almost finished with the holiday season. SAD. Do you know what's even sadder? I've gained five pounds in the last 2 weeks from all the junk we've been eating. As the title of this post suggests, fruits and vegetables have been scarce in the Archibald diet lately. They have been replaced by large quantities of turkey and mashed potatoes, ham and cheese potatoes, frosted sugar cookies, nuts, chex mix, Hershey's kisses, Danish butter cookies, peppermint sticks, apple pie, more chocolate in various forms, BAMBINOS from La Pizzeria in Rigby, ID, pancakes and french toast, frosted gingersnaps, lemon cheesecake pie, more chex mix, and so on and so on.

That being said, we had a really fun Christmas this year. We stayed with ALL of Randy's family at his parents' house--that's right, all thirty-something of us stayed at my in-laws. One word: CHAOS. But the cousins had a blast and it was fun to see everyone, so it was worth it.

On Christmas Eve, we spent the afternoon at my family's old stake center (church house) in Rigby and had a huge dinner with Randy's extended family.

Christmas Day, everyone got up at seven to have breakfast and a short devotional by Lynn. (Notice the FEET of snow burying our cars outside the window.)

Then the kids lined up on the stairs for the annual Christmas photo. But the kids are getting so big and so numerous that not all of them fit in the picture. (Sorry, Garrett and who knows who else.)

After that--PRESENTS!


And then the grand finale--it gets more bizarre every year. I present to you: my father-in-law Lynn.

He really is a lot more professional on the other 364 days of the year.

Anyway, the kids were pleased with their presents, and we had a good time together with everyone. We welcomed our future sis-in-law Stefanie who is engaged to Trevor, and even experienced the birth of a new niece--Shelby Jane Archibald was born on Dec. 26 to Ben and Cheri. Congratulations!

Now, if I could just find someone to put away all of our Christmas decorations for free. I would do it, but I'm now too fat to move.

I'm thankful for family

This week, I got to spend time with all my brothers and sisters at once. This never happens in our family, but since Daegan and Amy moved a little closer to us, hopefully it will happen more often.

Thursday everyone contributed to an amazing Thanksgiving dinner at Cameron and Angelica's house. (Great job on the turkey, Ang.) All the little cousins had a chance to get reacquainted with each other while the adults gorged themselves on pie and played games. And ate more pie.

Friday we got together again for dinner at Kiirstin's house and exchanged gifts. (Great job on the enchiladas, Ang.)

Saturday, all of us climbed on the train and rode to temple square to see the lights. I have come to realize why my parents were never keen on taking us to places like Disneyland or the mall on Black Friday, because the older I get the more I hate crowds. But the lights were beautiful, and it was nice to have all of us together again. (Well, almost all of us. Randy had to work, and we really missed him.)