Bittersweet

Last week, I took a whirlwind trip to Tennessee. My Uncle Rick, whom I wrote about a little before I left, passed away unexpectedly. My mom and dad were nice enough to use their frequent flier miles to buy me a plane ticket so I could go to the funeral and spend time with the family.

Being back east again was strange for a lot of reasons. First and most important reason: my Uncle Rick, the most quietly kind and comforting person you'd ever meet, was gone. I was staying at his house, but he wasn't there anymore. It felt empty, even though the house was packed to capacity. (Aunt Linda asked all of us, including her sons who live 20 minutes away from her, to stay at the house.) I missed him. A lot.

Second reason: I was there for a funeral so I thought I ought to have been sad all the time. But I wasn't, and I feel kind of guilty for that. I was just so darn happy to be surrounded by my mom's family! We are all spread out over the U.S. (Washington, Minnesota, Tennessee, Utah.....) and we hardly ever get to see each other, so being in the same house together for four whole days felt like a happy reunion instead of a sad one.

Third reason: I felt like I had come back home. I lived with my aunt and uncle for a year, so coming back to the house and to the Tennessee hills brought back so many good memories and made me ache for how much I love it there.

It was a busy four days, and so much of it was sad, but there were some amazingly good moments, too--meeting Lydia and seeing Stephanie again (it kills me that they live so far away!); holding baby Leif; watching in wonder as my "little" cousin Randy, all grown up and married now, took control of the preparations and still kept one eye on his mom at all times to make sure she was ok; long catch-up conversations with Alan and Ryan....and Mark and Kamie and Brit, too!; a much-needed pedicure from Krissy; hugging and talking to my Aunt Linda; hanging out with my mom; and of course, the impromptu Abba dance party during lunch after the graveside service to honor Rick's varied musical tastes. He would have loved that.

All in all, the most perfect definition of "bittersweet."


This is the only funeral picture I'll post, just because the casket spray was absolutely gorgeous.


Ryan's tribute to Rick's sometimes-iffy footwear choices.


Mark, Mom, Kamie, and Brit in Atlanta after we found each other in the airport by accident and discovered we were all flying into Johnson City together. God works in mysterious ways. It's true.


Me + Leif + Aunt Linda's back porch = perfect peace.




Our one release: a visit to the Carter Family Fold in Virginia. We listened to old-time music, danced, and relaxed. A nice ending to a hard and emotional week. (Thanks for being brave, Mom and Steph and Lydia!)


Twilight in the Appalachian mountains, outside the Carter Fold. It makes my heart stand still.

My Uncle Rick

This is a picture of my family with my Uncle Rick and Aunt Linda's family when they came to visit us in August of 2006. (Rick and Linda are the ones in the yellow shirts.) I lived with them for a year or so in Tennessee when I was nannying/rebelling/deciding on the direction of my life before I finally chose to go on a mission for the LDS church. I really enjoyed getting to know them during my time out there, since we didn't get to see them very much when I was growing up. And needless to say, they had the patience of Job when dealing with me. I'm telling you, it took a lot of charity and love and tolerance on their part. I will be forever grateful for their unconditional love and support when I needed it most.

Uncle Rick passed away tonight. He had leukemia for a long time, but it was an infection that ended up taking him away from us. My heart is broken for his family and for everyone who knew him. But I'm also sad for those who didn't know him. He was a calming presence with quiet strength, but he had my grandpa's sense of humor, eye twinkles, and snicker. I will miss him, and I hope he knows how much I love him and am grateful to him.

See ya later, Uncle Rick.

Unintended Epithets.

Today, Carter and I were privileged to ride on the Valley Journals parade float in the Kearns Hometown Days parade, since I write for the Taylorsville/Kearns Journal.

When I broke this idea to Carter at the beginning of the week, he wasn't very excited. Also, since Randy had to ride on a float for his clinic in a completely DIFFERENT parade and Brendan and Camryn had football and a piano recital all scheduled within the same time frame as the parades, Carter had no choice but to come with me. He wasn't happy about it, and he definitely registered his unhappiness. ("Mom, I don't want to go. You go, and I will just be by myself.")

All of that changed, though, when we showed up at the staging area and found Caeden, the little boy belonging to the owners of the paper. He is also four, and after bonding over their age and their mutual love of candy Carter decided that maybe riding on the float and throwing the beloved candy to other kids might be worthwhile.

Then, about halfway through the parade, sweet little Caeden decided people just weren't as excited as they should be about the candy he was throwing. And that's when I heard this:

Caeden: (Tossing a handful of lollipops to the crowd) "SUCK ON THAT!!!!"

Carter immediately filed this new tactic under "Brilliant" in that little brain of his, and promptly chimed in.

Carter: (Tossing candy to the confused spectators) "YEAH, SUCK ON THAT!!!!!!"

After I stopped laughing and started breathing again, I quietly suggested that maybe the people already knew to suck on the candy, and that they could stop yelling, which they did. But I've decided that maybe I should carry a bagful of lollipops with me everywhere I go. Then, when I get mad at the drunk driver in front of me or the rude checkers at the store, I can yell "OH YEAH? WELL SUCK ON THAT!!" and hand them a piece of candy and be absolved of all wrongdoing. (Though I must admit that I don't have youth or unbearable cuteness to use as an excuse. This could be a problem.)

Let me explain.....

So, I've known for a while now that my blog has a big gaping hole in it. It's a hole that encompasses a really huge part of my life. When I realized I'd totally ignored that part of my life on my blog, I tried to figure out why I hadn't written about it before.

And now for the brutal honesty.

I'm a stepmother. I have two great step-kids named Brendan and Camryn. And I mean that--they are really really great kids. So besides being in a couple of pictures I've posted, why haven't I written about them?

Answer: because even though they are great kids, I am not a great step-mom. I don't enter into evil stepmother territory, not by a longshot. At our house, no one goes hungry or is clothed in rags, and most of the time we have fun. But there are so many things I could have done/could be doing soooooo much better. And I hate facing up to that fact.

I also had to come to grips with another thing very early in my marriage--I am not their mom. They already have a mom, and though it's my responsibility to love and care for them when they're here, the bottom line is that I can't make big decisions for them. That's their mom's job. So even though they are a big part of our lives, posting stories and pictures about another mom's kids didn't seem appropriate somehow.

But that's not really reality, is it? They are here every other weekend, and lots of holidays and for a month in the summer. They only live 20 minutes away from us, so we take them to do things all the time. And even though they are not here all the time, they are just as much a part of our family as Carter.

So, today I am introducing Brendan and Camryn.

This is Brendan.




He is obsessed with sports, mainly football, and is playing defense on a junior football team this year. He is also obsessed with texting. (What 13-year-old isn't?) He's a good kid, gets good grades, and he loves to help Randy with Carsnobs. He also loves trash-talking, especially during games of Monopoly.

This is Camryn.




She is ten and likes to write and draw. She frequently creates little illustrated stories for Randy. She also loves books, especially if they have anything to do with fairies. She is, as my friend Deb used to say, "such a Jewish mother." She is really good at taking care of everyone around her, especially her little brothers and sister. She's also learning to like cooking, and helps me in the kitchen sometimes.

So there you have it. That's my entire family to date, and no I'm not hiding anyone else.